The Mother at Home - Chapter 6 - Religious Instruction Part I

Abbott teaches in chapter six, regarding the religious instruction of our children that “nothing can supersede the necessity of effort and instruction at home. Sabbath (Sunday) Schools have been of inestimable value; however, a mother cannot regard these as exonerating herself in the least degree from responsibility.  The home should be the sanctuary of religious instruction.”1

Our faith, as Catholics, reinforces this absolute truth.  As the Catechism of the Catholic Church teachers, “through the grace of the sacrament of marriage, parents receive the privilege and responsibility of evangelizing their children. “(CCC# 2225)  Also, “Family catechesis precedes, accompanies, and enriches other forms of instruction in the faith. Parents have the mission of teaching their children to pray and to discover their vocation as children of God. The parish is the Eucharistic community and the heart of the liturgical life of Christian families; it is a privileged place for the catechesis of children and parents.” (CCC  #2226) 2

Therefore, as the mother, you “must be the earnest and affectionate guide to the Savior.  You must take your little ones by the hand lead them in the paths of piety.”  As mother, you know each of your children intimately; you know their dispositions, habits of thought, and moods of mind and can therefore teach them better than anyone. 1

Abbott also teaches that if you wish to instill a deep faith in your children, you must possess and demonstrate deep devotional feelings yourselves. “It is certainly in vain to hope that you can induce your children to fix their affections upon another world, while yours are fixed upon this world.   Christian feelings must animate your heart – children will imitate your example. If not, then you are leading her away from God.   If you go on in un-repented sin, your child, in all probability, will go with you. You must not only “point to heaven”, but to “Lead them.”” 1

Furthermore, Abbott teaches, “in order to bring a strong faith to your children, you must present religion in a cheerful aspect. Religion is to make us happy here and hereafter; to divest the mind of gloom, and fill it with joy.  Do not dwell too much upon the terrors of the law. Do not connect religious considerations with melancholy countenances and mournful tones of voices, as to cause the subject to be unnecessarily repugnant.   However, do not err upon the other extreme.  Children must understand the nature of sin and the justice of God, and the awful penalty of His law. The child should be taught to regard God as that being who, while he loves his creatures, cannot look upon sin but with abhorrence.   God must be represented as He has exhibited Himself to us in the Bible and in the works of nature. He is a God of mercy and of justice. He is to be regarded with our warmest affections, and also with reverence and godly fear. Let therefore children distinctly understand that sin cannot pass unpunished." 1

Therefore, in our homes, if we show a genuine love for our Lord, an enthusiasm for His graces and mercy, our children will catch the fire.  If they see us receiving the Jesus in the Eucharist with humility and love, and the sacrament of reconciliation with gratitude and joy, they too will seek these graces with hope.  When we read scripture to our children, it should not be just another story, but a real life-lesson in faith, hope, love, and humility.  Through scripture, we can bring to our children the most powerful lessons.  Lessons that will arm them for eternity; how to live like Jesus lived and to find hope in the promise given us in old testament followed by its revelation in the New.   Time in scripture, daily, with our children is not only good for them, but also helps us to grow in virtue.

Finally, Abbott teaches us to “show God’s readiness to forgive, speak of the joys of heaven, and let the duties of religion be connected with feelings of enjoyment and happiness.  Do this that the child may perceive that gloom and sorrow are connected only with disobedience and irreligion. Improve appropriate occasions. Watch for them!   For example, when a child is unusually tender of spirit , let her then look to God in fervent prayer, and with all the persuasions of a mother’s love endeavor to guide her child to the Savior.   During the dark and tempestuous night,  teach trust in God.  If the child is sick,  she hears your prayer for restored health. When illness subsides, you tell her then, that if God had not interposed, her sickness could have increased till she had died.  If a child in neighborhood dies, teach them the meaning of death. Speak of the eternal world to which her friend has gone, of the judgment seat of Christ. Teach her the new scenes of joy or woe upon which her friend has entered.  Visit a graveyard and discuss eternal things; one such incident enters more deeply into the heart than volumes of ordinary conversation.   Share with your child a beautiful summer’s morning; do not fail to point the attention of your child to these beauties and lead his mind to Him whose word called them into being.   As a family, always keep Sabbath Holy." 1

In summary, we are the primary teachers for our children’s religious instruction.  We should take them to Mass on Sundays and Holy Days as well as daily Mass if we can, teach them the Catechism, pray with them, take them to confession, read the Bible with them daily, and inspire them with the lives of saints.  We must teach them to be God-fearing; a fear of offending God borne of the known consequence, and also fear of offending or hurting Him, borne of love for Him.  

Also, we cannot hope for our children to grow in virtue and therefore holiness, if we, ourselves are not working, daily, tirelessly to overcome ourselves and to grow in virtue.  We MUST lead by example.  It is work and we are often met with failure, but even when we fail as a result of our selfish humanity, we can teach our children that God is not finished with us yet and that He loves us dearly.  We have hope, because He forgives us when we fall, and helps to pick us up again… to help us to begin again.  

We should help our children find our Lord in EVERYTHING, in joy and success, as well as in sorrow, pain, and loss.  We must teach them the true meaning of providence; everything, both good and bad is part of God’s plan for us, to help us love Him more… even if we don’t understand it.  If we are running late, though we have made our best effort, perhaps it is because God wanted to protect us from getting in an accident that would have occurred had we left sooner.  If an event they were looking forward to is cancelled, perhaps it is because God wanted us to be somewhere else, to serve Him in a different way.  If a loved is suffering or dies from a terminal illness, teach your child how God uses this person’s suffering to draw many closer to Him through prayer.   The most powerful conversions of heart happen in the midst of trials.  Every conversation should point to heaven and God’s hand in our lives, His providence. 

When our children see our true love of Lord and our hope and joy that faith in Him affords, in addition to our struggle toward holiness, they will follow us to heaven.

[1] – The Mother at Home – Abbott
[2] – Catechism of the Catholic Church

The Mother at Home - Chapter 5 - Faults & Errors

Faults and Errors

Abbott recommends that we not talk about children in their presence, neither positive nor negative.  If they are spoken about negatively, a child hears his conduct spoken of, and feels applauded. The little person is far more interested in the narration, the impression upon his mind is stronger. This child, unfortunately, was taught a lesson of disobedience.

Humility is a virtue that is essential for us all, but can and should be taught at an early age.  We as mother’s can affect this greatly in how we approach our children.  If our children are spoken about positively, such as parents speaking to one another of those innumerable little occurrences which are gratifying them, in the presence of the child and applauded, its little heart is puffed up with vanity.   Abbott suggests that we must guard against the possibility of his supposing that he does and says remarkable things, and is superior to other children.  “It is a Mother’s duty to approve children when they do right, and to disapprove when they do wrong.   Great caution should be used to preserve a child from hearing anything which will destroy that most lovely trait of character – a humble spirit. He further stresses that we not make exhibitions of our children’s attainments; again, the danger of exciting vanity.  The plaudits which the child receives in such cases puff it up in its own thoughts, and send it out into the world stuffed with pride and insolence, which must and will be extracted from it by one means or another. Now parents have no right thus to indulge their own feelings at the risk of the happiness of their children.

Abbott points out some extremes in exposing our children to others.  One extreme is secluding children altogether from society. How can we expect them to improve, or to become acquainted with the proprieties of life? They must listen to the conversation and observe the manners of their superiors, that their minds and manners may be improved.   Uncultivated manners and uncultivated minds will lead to awkward and clownish children.

The Other extreme is over exposure, wearying our friends by their presence and their ceaseless talk. These mothers deprive themselves and visitors of all enjoyment, and their children of all benefit. We do not like, even in imagination, to encounter the deafening clamor of such a scene.

Children must be taught not to interrupt when company is present, and not to interrupt his father.   I learned a great tip from my friend Tina:  When I am engaged in conversation with my husband or a friend, and one of my children needs my attention, they approach me, silently, and place their hand upon my hand.  To acknowledge them, I place my hand upon theirs, they know I will address them at the next logical pause and I do so.  It is beautiful.   My conversation was not interrupted; the person with whom I am conversing has no idea that my child even requested my attention and my child is addressed at a proper time.  He also recommends, in the presence of company, that children be taught to sit in silence and be able to listen.   Above all, they should not be thrust forward upon the attention of visitors, to exhibit their attainments, and receive flattery as profusely as your friends may be pleased to deal it out.  

Conversely, we should not be continually finding fault in them either.   It is at times necessary to censure and to punish, but very much may be done by encouraging children when they do well.   Abbott points out that there are great motives for influencing human actions: hope and fear.   Both are at times necessary, but who would not prefer to have her child influenced to good conduct by the desire of pleasing, rather than by the fear of offending.   Nothing can do more to discourage a child than a spirit of incessant faultfinding, on the part of its parent.   The results are discouragement and unhappiness.

Let a mother approve of her child’s conduct whenever she can. Let him show that his good behavior makes her sincerely happy. Let her reward him for his efforts to please, by smiles and affection.

The Mother at Home - Chapter 4 - Mother's Difficulties

Why do so few succeed in obtaining prompt obedience from children? 

The biggest reason we as parents find it difficult to obtain prompt obedience is our very own lack of self-control.  Can a mother expect to govern her child when she cannot govern herself?  By our example, we must demonstrate meekness and equanimity in our homes.

As we all know, self-control, at all times, and under all circumstances, is one of the most difficult things to be acquired.  If we desire prompt obedience from our children, we must overcome ourselves, to be an example for our children. 

Abbott points out that “anger is temporary insanity.”  If you have had an encounter (or hundreds of encounters as the case may be) with a toddler, who is learning his place in the world, you have likely experienced anger that exemplifies this definition, perfectly…   Abbott recommends that we never let manifest the irritated feeling or give utterance to an angry expression.  We should discipline “with calmness and reflection”.

Abbott also points out that a lack of resolution can prove troublesome on behalf of the mother.  It is true that it is painful to a parent’s feelings to deprive a child of any reasonable enjoyment, or to inflict pain.  Therefore, we can be ingenious at framing apologies to relieve ourselves from this duty.  For me, blackout is no fun for anybody at my home; everything requires more thought, and the perpetrator is typically underfoot, all day…  It would be easier for me and far more convenient to justify the behavior to my benefit…  “Oh, he didn’t really mean to do that, did he?” 

Further to this point, Abbott, stresses “that you cannot allow maternal feelings to influence you to neglect painful but necessary acts of discipline.”  Discipline is hard on everybody, and it is difficult to see our children sad.  Nevertheless, Abbott states, if your “child does wrong, and you know that he ought to be punished; but you shrink from the duty of inflicting it; the behavior of such a mother is the most cruel and merciless enemy which her child can have.  You can do nothing more ruinous to your child.”  Such behavior on the mother’s part confirms his sin.  “Duty has told you to punish your child.  Inclination has urged you to overlook.  Inclination has triumphed; and your child has retired victorious and of course confirmed in his sin.”

The acts of discipline, Abbott states, must be serious and effectual, prompt and decisive.  One of my late cousins referred to the discipline of his children as “swift and severe.”  To date, I personally have met very few children more kind, loving, and obedient than his.  One good example of his I can recall, if his children did not put the silverware away correctly, he took all of the silverware out of the drawer and the child was required to put it all away, correctly before moving on. 

Abbott also points out that there can be a lack of harmony between parents on the subject of education. In discipline, father wants to do his duty and mother thinks punishment is cruelty.  If the father has bad principles and example, the mother must be more persevering and vigorous in her effort.  If a mother is vigorous in her effort, a father, in most cases, will soon feel confidence in her management.

Abbott helped me to understand my role in my children’s behavior and interaction with their father.  He points out that a “mother shall teach her children to be quiet and still when their father is present and she do everything she can to induce them to be respectful, obedient and affectionate to their father.  The more cheerful you can make home to him, the stronger are the inducements which are presented to draw him away from scenes into which he ought not to enter.”  I believe, as I have learned, as wives, we are the heart of the home, whereas our husbands are the head.  We need to create an environment, a loving environment in which our husbands desire to spend time.  A home, filled with chaos and disrespectful children would make any man want to work overtime…   Don’t get me wrong, we still have our share of chaos…  I could not live without the fun and noise our children provide.  They are just reminded to respect their Father and make his return home from work a pleasant one! :)

In summary, Abbott points out that we need to be self controlled, if we want our children to demonstrate the same.  This requires patience, obedience and self control on our part.  These cannot be obtained without the grace of God.  I believe each of these go hand in hand.  Patience, in particular, can lead to self control and obedience.  St. Thomas Aquinas defines patience as “moderated sadness in the face of an evil that cannot be removed.”  Our homes are filled with little evils that cannot be removed...  all day long; spills, lack of charity among siblings, temper tantrums, self-centeredness, among others…  Our homes are filled with children, perfectly behaved for their age.  We need to follow Jesus’ example of moderated sadness in the face of evils.  That was His entire ministry.  He moderated His sadness (rejection, blasphemy, ridicule, abandonment, denial, and ultimately abuse and murder).  He did not lose His cool, not even once, and imagine… He was surrounded by grown men and women, who should have known better.  Our children may not know better yet, because we may not have taught them yet. 

We need to cling to the Cross and entreat our Lord for the grace to be the grown-ups we are tying, with His grace, to raise.

The Mother at Home - Chapter 3 - Maternal Authority Part 2

Abbott makes some other suggestions of importance regarding maternal authority.  He encourages mothers to be strong.  Each of our children is diverse in their natural dispositions.  “Some are very tender in their feelings and others are naturally independent and self-willed.”  Nevertheless, it is never safe to give up and let the child win on a contest of wills, notably with strong-willed children.  When a child has an unpleasant disposition, (is just ‘having one of those days) and, for example, hits sister and is not sorry and declines obeying, Abbott recommends that we handle this differently but do not overlook the fault.  He gives an example:   “My son, you have been doing very wrong ; you are ill-humored and must not stay with us any longer. I will carry you to bed.” Just before leaving him for the night she tells him in a kind but sorrowful tone, how much she is displeased with his conduct. Kneels by him and prays that God will forgive him. Leaves him to his reflections. He is thus punished because he hears his brothers and sisters happy down-stairs and feels how much wiser and better it is to be a good boy. “

Abbott explains that we are all disposed to ‘those days’.  As a result, we must learn forbearance and sympathy with children. A mother must use all in her power to soothe and calm.  He encourages us to “study the moods and feelings of your children and vary discipline to meet these changes.  When a child is in an excited state, remove him as much as possible from the power of temptation. Calculate a punishment to soothe him, like placing him in a comfortable chair with a pleasing book. “
Another bit of good advice Abbott gives is to never punish when the child when he has not intentionally done wrong.   We must learn to distinguish between accident and crime.   We all make mistakes; I do daily, sometimes minutely…  Our children should not be punished for an accident, however, we may need to punish for carelessness, which is a fault.  “Children ought to be taught not to do what will expose property to injury. Example, child crawls on the table and is punished for dropping & breaking the glass bowl that was on the table. The child should have been taught not to climb on the table.   Nevertheless, allowance must be made for ignorance of the child.

Abbott explains that we should not fall into the belief that your child is too young to obey.  We are ingenious at framing excuses for neglecting our duty…. Too young, no nap, too sick.  He gives a quote from a very judicious mother. “It is my practice to obey my child for the first year of their life, but ever after I expect him to obey me. “  The authority of the mother is to be established when a child is able to understand a command or prohibition expressed by looks and gestures. This is at a much earlier period that most parents imagine.

We are, however, to guard against too much severity.  When we discipline with composure and solemnity; occasions for punishment will be very infrequent.   We are encouraged to be affectionate and mild with our children.   When they have done wrong, we should feel not irritated, but sad; and punish them in sorrow, but not in anger.  Therefore, in all cases, children should be governed by kindness.   However, when kindness fails, and disobedience ensues, do not hesitate for a moment to fall back upon her last resort, and punish as severely as necessary.  Abbott explains a few such cases will teach almost any child how much better it is to be obedient than disobedient.   This does not mean it is prudent to be harsh, unfeeling and forbidding in our intercourse with our children.  “The most efficient family government may be almost entirely administered by affection, if it be distinctly understood that disobedience cannot pass unpunished.  Every effort should be to make home the most desirable place; to gather around it associations of delight. “

This is where our house rules have really become a tool in our discipline.  When my 5 year old asks to do something and I say no, he has, at times shot back with “I am going to do _________ anyway”, or throw some sort of fit.”  To this, I am able to calmly respond, you may absolutely do _____, it is your choice to disobey, but what is the discipline for not giving right away obedience?”  He responds, “black out”.  I reinforce, “okay, so if you choose, to do _____ you will be blacked out.  It is your choice; I believe it is a poor one, but yours nevertheless.”  This exchange is gentle, does not excite their mood, and also empowers them to make the decision.  With as much as my children despise blackout, to date, my 5 year old has never (in this situation) chosen the bad behavior.

The Mother at Home, Chapter 2 - Maternal Authority

Chapter 2 – Maternal Authority, Part 1





Much of a mother’s happiness is dependent upon the good or bad character of her children. “How shall I govern my children so as to secure their virtue and happiness?”

Abbott speaks of obedience as perfect subjection and prompt, cheerful acquiescence in parent commands.  “Without this, all efforts will be in vain."  Children should submit  to your authority, not simply yielding to your arguments or persuasions or threats.  Whether or not your children can see reasoning for our request for obedience, they should obey promptly.  Sometimes give him your reasons, sometimes withhold them.

The best example I have of this, that my children were able to relate to, is an episode of Little House on the Prairie.  If memory serves, Ma and Laura were heading out to do chores.  Ma, having gone out first, told Laura to stay back, and not come to the barn (as she was accustomed to doing, every day).  Laura did not know why Ma had made this request, but she obeyed, no questions asked.  As it turns out, there was a bear near the barn and Ma needed to keep Laura away to keep her safe.  When Ma said “stay back”, Laura did not ask why, she obeyed without question.  As parents, we know what is better for our children, and they needn’t always understand why we ask the things we do, assuming they are for our children’s welfare.   We may, someday, encounter a situation where we don’t have the luxury of time to explain.   If we don’t condition them to obey, without question, in the case of Little House, what could have happened if Laura did not listen?

Abbott then goes on to explain how we can achieve this obedience from our children.  The most powerful tip he provides is “Never give a command which you do not intend shall be obeyed.  There is no more effectual way of teaching a child disobedience, than by giving commands which you have no intention of enforcing.” If we ask our children to do something, and we don’t plan to stand behind it, we then train our children to disregard our word; an absolute lack of respect. 
Abbott give a great example for enforcing obedience:

-MOM: “You have disobeyed me.”
-Mom seriously and calmly punishes (imposes real punishment that will be remembered)
-MOM: “It makes mother very unhappy to have to punish you.” She loves her little daughter and wishes to have her a good girl.”
-Mom leaves the child to herself for a little while. A little solitude deepens the impressions made.
-Mom returns, takes child on her lap, “My dear, are you sorry that you disobeyed mother?”
-Almost any child would say “Yes.”
-MOM: “Will you be careful not to disobey me again?”
-Child says “Yes.”
-MOM: “I will forgive you, so far as I can; but God is displeased; you have disobeyed him as well as me. Do you wish me to ask God to forgive you?”
-Child answers “Yes.”
-Mother kneels with her daughter and offers a simple prayer for forgiveness, and the return of peace and happiness.
-Mom then leads her out, humbled and subdued.
-Mom later that night putting her to bed affectionately reminds her of her disobedience, and advises her to ask God’s forgiveness again.

If you believe that you do not have time to discipline nor pay attention to your children, Abbott points out the fact that “Not one third of the time is required to take care of an orderly family, which is necessary for a disorderly one.”  I have found this to be true as our family has grown.  I simply do not have time for disobedient children.  It interferes with school, and with our day overall.  If a child is disruptive or disobedient, this cannot be accepted; as the price is too high for all of us.  If the little ones see their older siblings getting away with naughty behavior, it teaches them that it is OK to be naughty.  I have found, since assuming my role of Mother, they way God intended me to, I have more time, because I am not disciplining all day.  A big help for me now is that the older children are so clear on the rules, that the little ones have many sets of eyes and ears watching and correcting behavior.  Not that we don’t have off days…  we do; but they are fewer and farther between, and when they happen, the perpetrator is addressed promptly. 

Abbott also points out that a mother’s word is never to be disregarded, however, every judicious parent will try to gratify her children in their ‘reasonable wishes.’ For example, “Mom, may I have a couple minutes to finish my project?”

When Abbott speaks of types of lasting discipline (that won’t be soon forgotten), he recommends that we “cut off the child’s sources of enjoyment, among other things – do these so steadily and so invariably that disobedience and suffering shall be indissolubly connected in the mind of the child.”  As I have mentioned before, we employ “black outs”.  We learned this from Dr. Ray; I recommend anything from Dr. Ray.  A black out is removal of all privileges for the day (T.V., video games, dessert, seconds on meals, bicycle, scooter, trampoline, swimming, etc).  This is very effective, and painful for our children.  Click here for more information on rules and discipline.

Finally, Abbott points out that “if we fail to use this power for the purposes for which it was bestowed, the sin is ours, and upon us and upon our children must rest the consequences. When you meet your children at the bar of God, and they point to you and say, “It was through your neglect of duty that we are banished from heaven, and consigned to endless woe.”

----

On a side note, somebody asked me at what point do I expect my children to understand and obey our house rules and if a child is blacked out, as a parent, are we not sort of out of discipline options for the rest of the day?
 
As I tell many, my children are perfectly behaved for their age, which is far from perfect! :) You know, it has only happend a handful of times that after blackout, which is devastating for my children, that they have pulled any more stunts. We have, in those cases, extended blackout to the next day, and on occasion sent them to their room, away from any fun. We begin to discipline and enforce rules when our child turns 1 (don't touch, hit, etc), when they are 3, they understand the rules and are disciplined for not following them. We start blackouts when our children are 4. My 3 year old is well versed in Hail Mary Hugs, time in porta crib and a slapped hand. Blackout is devastating to all of my children ages 4 & up.

As my confessor said, don't lower standards, just expectations. It is so frustrating to correct the same behavior over, and over, and over... but he also said... right now we are sowing the seeds of love and will reap a bountiful harvest later... we won't always see the progress nor recieve instant gratification... but some day, our children will just start doing the things we have been teaching... and this, i have found to be true. I have also found, parenting, the way God calls us to do it, is the most humbling, trying... and sanctifying duty I have endeavored.  As trying as it is, however, I have also never found a more fulfulling, joy-filled, grace-filled duty. :) I thank God for it daily.

The Mother at Home - Chapter 1 - Responsibility

The Mother at Home: Raising Your Children in the Fear of the Lord
by John S.C. Abbott

Other than my husband, my sister Annie is my best friend.  Annie and I recently read the book the Mother at Home by John S. C Abbott (as did much of our Mother's Group).  The response was so great to this book.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the straighgforward nature of the author's work and, as with scripture... this book screamed "truth" to me.   Annie and I agreed to pull together an overview for our Mother's Group this morning and Annie agreed to share this work.  It is a wonderful, insightful, inspiring (and sort of intimidating) book.  I believe every mother would be better off for having read it.



Care and labor is necessary in training up a family. But no other cares are rewarded with so rich a recompense; no other labors ensure such permanent and real enjoyment. You, O mothers, have immortal souls entrusted to your keeping. Their destiny is in a great degree in your hands. Your ignorance or unfaithfulness may be the means of sinking them to the world of woe. Your fidelity, by the blessing of God, may elevate them to the mansions of heaven. You and your children may soon be ranging with angel wings the realms of blest spirits, if, here, you are faithful in prayer and effort to train them up for heaven. (from page135-136 of The Mother at Home.)

Chapter I - Responsibility

Abbott says as mothers "it is our duty to lead children to their Savior". He goes on to explain that "the world has been slow to perceive how powerful and extensive the secret and silent influence of a mother's efforts to improve her child in knowledge and virtue are. The influence which is exerted upon the mind during the first eight to ten years of existence, in a great degree guides the destinies of that mind for time and eternity." We, as mother's are with our children more than anybody in these formative years. We have all seen and heard ourselves in our children, which further reinforces Abbott's statement. It is true that there are other influences in our children's lives, but a "mother's may be the most powerful" because it is under our care and tutelage, primarily, that this formation occurs.

Abbot explains that it is rare that the child of a pious mother will be a dissolute one, who breaks away from all restraints and God may leave him to “eat the fruit of his own devices.” However the parent is asked to trust in God, "bow before the sovereignty of her Maker, who says “Be still and know that I am God.” Having done ones duty, however, divests this affliction of much of it’s bitterness."

He gives an example of a man who, raised by a pious mother, had lived a dissolute life, and when asked to go to church, he said "no". He was then asked what his mother would have wished for him to do. The man, with a tear in his eye, entered the church. As with St. Augustine and St. Monica, and God’s grace, a faithful mother's early formation and prayers can bring them back.

Our earthly happiness is at the disposal of your child. "His character is now, in an important sense, in your hands, and you are to form it for good or for evil”, Abbott explains. This subject and fact should make every parent tremble.

After I read this chapter, I began to better understand the gravity of my role as mother and this motivated me to stay on task.  As I have heard it explained by my confessor, "monks, sisters, and others of the consecrated life, live life according to a rule. Throughout each day, they have chimes that direct their attention and time to the next duty, be it prayer, meals, chores, etc." He explained that he had 3 minutes from the time the bell chimed to finish up the task at hand and move to the next duty. Stopping what I am doing to discipline my child or correct behavior is one of those chimes, regardless of what I want at that time. God commands me to. Given our home is our domestic church; it is fair to say that our children are our chimes, our duty, per se. When their behavior needs to be corrected or they disobey, it is our duty to correct the behavior or discipline them, right away; not simply overlook the infraction because it is inconvenient. I, have actually heard myself say out loud "no", I don't want to do this right now... that is, in essence saying no to God, and the only person, according to Abbott, in the long run who will take the blame for the disobedience of my child, is me, through my neglect.
I want to do the best that I can, and God has given me (and my husband) the grace to raise-up men and women that God will recognize and whom will recognize and obey His voice. I simply need to show the same obedience to God, in the duty He has given me, as mother, as my children are to obey their God-given duty in their formative years, Honor thy Father and thy Mother.

Abbott explains that "If you are consistent in your government, and faithful in the discharge of your duties, your child will probably through life revere you and be the stay and solace of your declining years. If, on the other hand, you cannot summon resolution to punish your child when disobedient; if you do not curb his passions; if you do not bring him to entire and willing subjection to your authority; you must expect that he will be your curse."

So, in summary, "If you are unfaithful to your child when his is young, he will be unfaithful to you when he is old. If you indulge him in all his foolish and unreasonable wishes when he is a child, when he becomes a man he will indulge himself; he will gratify every desire of his heart; and your sufferings will be rendered the more poignant by the reflection that it was your own unfaithfulness which has caused your ruin. If you would be the happy mother of a happy child give your attention, and your efforts, and your prayers, to the great duty of training him up for God and Heaven.